Can we change?

Jun 18, 2008 at 8:39 AM
14 comments

We devour stories of personal transformation: the uptight guy who learns to cut loose, the wallflower who becomes the life of the party.

But psychologists have long believed that major personality makeovers are impossible. In fact, the big themes of personality—whether you are shy or outgoing, relaxed or a worrywart—seem to be scripted at a very young age.

However, personality researchers have begun looking more closely at the smaller ways we can and do change.

Tweaking the way you interpret and react to the world can be a transformative experience, freeing you up to act in new ways.

Some sought-after qualities are easier to develop than others. Courage, joy, passion, and optimism are among the more amenable to cultivation, but each requires mastering a different—and sometimes surprising—set of skills.

I saw this article at PsychologyToday.com and found it very interesting. I'm convinced that major changes in personality are not possible, but I do believe some modification of our outlook and reactions is possible. What do you think?

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i think we *can* change. i think we can learn to be more optimistic, and more outgoing, and more brave. i like to think that it's possible for us to re-train ourselves to interact with our world in a way that we prefer (if we do not like the way we do it now). i think personality is partly inherited and partly nurtured by our environs growing up, and if we would like to behave "in another way," i believe that we can learn how.

huh. maybe i've become an optimist after all!

[this is good]

I think Buddhists have known this for centuries. :-P

In all seriousness, though, I refuse to believe we are slaves to our DNA. Sure, some things we can't control. I'm going bald. Oh, well. But I don't think I have to be a slave to the fact there is a history of depression or shyness or anger in my family tree. I may be inclined to act a certain way, but I think the ability to consciously act beyond built-in or conditioned parameters is one of the things that separates me from the animals.

We'd have to look at the definition of "major" to get at the other part of your question. If shyness is a qualifier, then I believe major change is possible; In fact, I've done it. I used to be very shy, worried about what others thought of me. Changing that was a difficult but definitely deliberate practice.

By the way, I realize things like depression are also chemical and can only be partially dealt with intellectually. I certainly do not want to simplify the issue of mental illness. Apologies for not being more clear there.

I have to agree with the article... I have observed that people's actions/choices may alter as they get older, but their personality pretty much stays intact their whole life. I do think people often get stuck in negative patterns and excuse their behavior on their personality "that's just me."

"To bring more joy and passion into your life, you must paradoxically be more open to experiencing sadness, anxiety, and fear."

Well shoot. Looks like I got more hurdles to overcome than I thought. :(

Paradox schmaradox. It's 2008 and I want instant, easy results NOW.

Good find.
I've definitely been running over the I-need-to-'change' script quite a few times in my head. There are definitely some negative patterns and habits that can be changed, but as far as personality... I'm not sure.
No doubt it's a good thing to be aware of what's a habit, and what's actually an aspect of one's personality.

I'm convinced that major changes in personality are not possible, but I do believe some modification of our outlook and reactions is possible.

I agree. I believe that by about the age of 10, our personal belief system - especially concerning our self-image, has been formed.

I agree with the article. I'm an introvert, but I've learned to "act" extroverted with customers. My personality has not changed because when I get a really talkative customer who wants to stand at the desk and talk for a while, I have to struggle to continue to keep up the act if it's just small talk.

I disagree a great deal. I think major changes in personality are possible. I know, because I feel as though I have gone through that process myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting for a moment that I am a much sought-after individual who is the life and soul of the party. In fact, bump into me at a party and you'll probably think I'm an idiot. But compared to how I used to look on the world, I am proud to say that my personality and views and what I feel about myself has changed immeasurably from what it was when I was a child. Much of that has to do with becoming more self-aware.

Having said all of that. I do think there are some who have some traits which are almost impossible to overcome .. x

the only time we don't change is after death. if you don't count the atoms dispersing around the planet.

what is dominent in personality can shift. what is extreme can moderate. what is small can grow into a large trait. by effort or by accident, worrywarts can leave that behind or fuzzy intelligences can sharpen and become whips.

major inner changes or outer changes from sustained stress or sustained peace or exposure to chemicals all can change the brain's hormone cocktail before we even get to brain injury and medical and drug pathological changes that alter personality and desire.

Tossing in my two cents into an interesting topic indeed. I'm of the view that there is a difference between personality and character. And that personality traits can and do shift like sand with the tides of circumstances, habits, life events. Character, though, is deeper, more intrinsic to who you are, and that, I feel, is more challenging to alter. It can be achieved with a great deal of inner work and introspection which to my observation is not something most people are keen on doing or even capable. That's my two cents.

I'd agree that chaging one's personality is next to impossible.

I think it's our behaviors that we can change.

[this is good]

The definition of mental health is the ability to accept change. So, you can see, we are a very sick society because we hate change so much. Very few people are open to change, especially changing themselves.

I'm with you and BF - adjustments are possible but your core "you" never really changes. We can learn to balance ourselves and adapt but I don't think our natural tendencies ever result in significant personality shifts.

Can we change?

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