When I grow up I want to be
...nothing like you!
"When I have kids, I won't be like you. I'm going to be a cool dad. A fun dad. No stupid rules. My kids are going to love me. I'll put Poison Control in the speed dial and just let 'em go. We'll have parties. I'll be their friend. I'll take 'em to strip clubs."
"Hmmmm. I wonder how your wife will feel about that."
"She won't care. She'll work there. Yeah. C'mon kids! Let's go see your mom at work."
Charming.
On my weaker days, it's tempting to throw in the towel and embrace the 'do whatever you want' brand of un-parenting (sans the strip club and pole-dancing spouse, perhaps). It would certainly be easier. It's exhausting trying keep my balance on that fine line between too much parenting and too little. Sure, I want my kids to develop independence and self-reliance, and of course I want them to make choices and learn from their mistakes. But at the same time, I want to keep them safe and help them steer clear of mistakes that fall into the brutal, life-altering category. I want them to be happy, enjoy life, and consider me a friend. But my first priority is to be a good parent, not a pal. It's kind of a drag to be uncool all the time, but too many of the 'cool' things seem like a truly bad idea to me now that I'm 'old' and 'square'. I don't want to have too many rules, but I think having too few is even worse. I want to trust them, but rebellion and stealth seem to be teenage raisons d'être. Yeah. Who knew raising kids would be so tough? (Other than my parents.) I'd like an instruction manual, please.
Comments
If you discover that manual, please send a copy my way! Even though my oldest is just 6 years old, I find myself thinking a lot about how I am going to handle the upcoming teen years. Frankly it terrifies me.
I want exactly what you said:
I want my kids to develop independence and self-reliance, and of course I want them to make choices and learn from their mistakes. But at the same time, I want to keep them safe and help them steer clear of mistakes that fall into the brutal, life-altering category.
What scares me most is remembering how I was as a teen. There were many times where I nearly dodged a bullet and thought I was invinceable.
When I was 17 and pregnant with my first daughter, I remember thinking the same thing minus the strip clubs! I was going to be the most cool mom in the world. I would be the one that my child would WANT to talk to.
The exact opposite became true. I was the most UNCOOL mom in the world who was neurotic about her safety AND I was proud to be uncool! Funny how things change.
I wonder if any of us are meant to get out of this parenting thing alive? lol
and mine are only 3 and 4 years old!
You are a good mom.
Someday they will realize that and will actually thank you.
I know this to be true. It's actually quite a moment the first time they acknowledge that you were/are wise.
Hang in, m'dear.
My preschooler has a friend who's mommy told me she just can't say no to her kids. They can do anything and get everything. If you can't say no, you aren't teaching them to say no when the time comes. What future can they have ahead of them?
You do the best you can, there are no manuals. I felt in my heart that no matter what my kids did, I would love them. I wanted (still do) want other people to love them also. And that meant setting limits and not always being "cool". Its so important to teach your children that the world does not revolve around them. That they are a part of the world, not the axis.
You sound like you have your heart in the right place. The teens pass. 20 something children (agewise) are the blessing for all the work :))